Stalking Your Users (Respectfully): The Art of Not Being Creepy While Doing Ethnographic Research

We both know what’s really going on here. The term "ethnographic research" sounds impressive when you drop it in conversation with potential investors, but in reality, it's essentially professional stalking with a methodology. You're following people around, watching their every move, and taking notes about their bathroom habits. And we wonder why non-researchers give us that look – you know the one, where they're mentally calculating the fastest route to the exit while nodding politely.

Yet here's the rub: this "professional stalking" might be the most valuable thing you'll ever do for your business. Because while your competitors are sitting in their conference rooms debating what users might want, you'll actually know. (Though getting there involves more awkward silence and cold coffee than anyone warned you about.)

When Surveys and Focus Groups Are Just Elaborate Lies

I used to believe in surveys. I really did. I thought if you just asked people what they wanted, they'd tell you. This delusion cost me approximately £47,000 and eighteen months of my life developing features nobody actually used. The truth is, humans are terrible witnesses to their own behaviour. We're all unreliable narrators in the story of our lives.

People will tell you they eat salad five times a week while you watch them demolish their third Greggs sausage roll of the day. They'll insist they value minimalist design while their home resembles a TK Maxx after a hurricane. We don't lie deliberately – we just have a spectacular talent for self-deception.

This is where ethnographic research – specifically the "Day in the Life" method – comes in. Instead of asking people what they do, you simply... watch what they actually do. Revolutionary concept, I know. And yet, so few founders actually do it. We're all too busy "disrupting" industries from behind our MacBooks to actually meet the humans we're supposedly disrupting things for.

The "Day in the Life" Method: Less Creepy Than It Sounds

The premise is simple: spend a day (or even just a few hours) observing your target user in their natural habitat. Watch how they navigate their world, the problems they encounter, the workarounds they create, and the moments that make them swear under their breath.

This isn't about following random people home (please don't do that – restraining orders are terrible for your brand). It's about recruiting willing participants who understand you'll be observing them. The magic happens when you shut up, blend into the background, and just watch.

For longer-term insights, consider conducting diary studies where participants log their experiences over weeks or months. These studies are particularly powerful because they capture how user attitudes and habits evolve naturally over time – something a single observation session might miss. While traditional ethnographic research gives you a snapshot, diary studies reveal patterns across different contexts and timeframes.

I once spent three days observing how people organised their homes. What I expected: neat systems and logical processes. What I got: utter chaos, bizarre rituals, and people hiding things from their partners in empty ice cream containers. No survey would have captured that goldmine of insight.

How Not to Be the Weirdo with a Notebook

Before you dash off to lurk in someone's kitchen, let's cover how to do this without ending up as an anecdote in someone's therapy session:

• Be upfront about your intentions. Explain why you're there and what you're looking for in plain English, not startup jargon.
• Compensate people properly for their time. Your "amazing opportunity" to be studied like a lab rat isn't payment enough.
• Dress to blend in with their environment. Your Silicon Valley power vest has no place in a Yorkshire council estate.
• Take notes discreetly. Nothing makes people more self-conscious than someone frantically scribbling after their every move.
• Learn to ask "why" without sounding judgmental. "Interesting choice there..." is better than "Why on earth would you do that?"

The goal is to become so unremarkable that people forget you're there and revert to their natural behaviours. This usually happens around hour three, after they've shown you all their "systems" and start actually using the chaotic workarounds they really rely on.

What You're Actually Looking For

When conducting ethnographic research, you're not just randomly observing – you're hunting for specific insights. Think of yourself as a detective looking for clues, except the crime is "pain points people don't even realise they have."

The most valuable observations often come from:

• Workarounds and hacks people have created (these are gold – they're solving problems your competitors haven't even identified)
• Moments of frustration, hesitation, or confusion (watch for the sighs, eye-rolls, and under-the-breath cursing)
• Inconsistencies between what they say they do and what they actually do (remember that "I organise everything meticulously" person with 47 browser tabs open)
• Environmental adaptations – how they've modified tools or spaces to make things work better
• Social dynamics – who influences decisions, who has veto power, and whose opinion actually matters

The truth is, most people have no idea why they do what they do. They've developed habits and systems over years and rarely question them. Your job is to see the patterns they can't see themselves. Research shows that 52% of employees toggle between 6 or more apps in a typical work week, yet most would tell you they have a "simple" workflow. This disconnect between perception and reality is exactly what ethnographic research uncovers.

From Creepy Observer to Insight Machine

The real work begins after your observation. You'll have pages of notes that look like the ravings of a madman. Here's how to turn those into something useful:

First, capture everything immediately. Don't wait until the next day when your brain has helpfully erased half the details. Voice-record your impressions on the journey home if you must. The tiny details matter – that frustrated sigh might be worth millions if you solve what caused it.

Next, look for patterns across multiple observations. One person's quirk is an anecdote. Five people doing the same weird workaround is a business opportunity.

Finally, separate observations from interpretations. "Subject opened and closed the app three times" is an observation. "Subject was confused by the interface" is your interpretation. Both matter, but know which is which.

Real Examples That Aren't Made Up (Promise)

Let me share some patterns I've observed that led to actual insights:

People claim to read instructions but actually just look at pictures and guess. This is why your "intuitive" product that "doesn't need instructions" is causing customer service nightmares.

Users will sooner develop elaborate workarounds than change their fundamental behaviour. I watched someone use a spreadsheet, three Post-it notes, and a WhatsApp group to avoid learning a new system that would have saved them hours.

Status and identity influence decisions more than functionality. People will struggle with an inconvenient product if it signals something positive about their identity. Conversely, they'll abandon efficient tools if using them makes them feel stupid.

No one wants to admit how much time they spend on trivial decisions. I observed someone spend 47 minutes deciding which notebook to use for a project, then claim "I just grabbed whatever was handy" when asked about it.

When You Should Absolutely Use This Method

• When launching something new and you have no idea if it solves a real problem (hint: it probably doesn't)
• When sales are dropping and you can't figure out why (your product is probably solving yesterday's problem)
• When you're entering a market you have no personal experience with (your assumptions are almost certainly wrong)
• When customer feedback contradicts actual behaviour (trust the behaviour, not the feedback)
• When you find yourself saying "users will definitely want this feature" based on zero evidence

The Uncomfortable Truth About Most Products

After observing hundreds of people interacting with products, I've reached an uncomfortable conclusion: most products fail not because they don't work, but because they solve problems people don't actually care about solving.

We build elaborate solutions for problems that, in real life, people have already created good-enough workarounds for. Or worse, we solve "problems" that are actually behaviours people enjoy or find meaningful.

Ethnographic research protects you from this expensive mistake. It forces you to confront the messy, irrational reality of human behaviour instead of the sanitised, logical version we prefer to believe in. Understanding the four main categories of customer pain points – Service, Product, Process, and Emotional – helps structure your observations and ensures you're identifying problems that actually matter to users.

The Logistics: Actually Doing This Without a Research Department

Let's be practical. You don't have a research team. You might not even have a co-founder. Here's how to actually do this:

• Start with friends of friends (not direct friends – they'll be too nice). Offer to buy them lunch in exchange for shadowing them for a few hours.
• Post in community groups where your target users hang out. Be transparent about what you're doing and compensate fairly.
• Use customer support conversations to identify people having interesting problems, then ask if you can observe them.
• Partner with complementary businesses that already have relationships with your target users.
• Visit physical locations where your users congregate and observe public behaviour (coffee shops, co-working spaces, etc.)

Even three sessions of 2-3 hours each will give you more insight than months of guesswork. The key is to start small, stay focused, and actually do it instead of just planning to do it.

When It All Goes Terribly Wrong

Of course, ethnographic research isn't without its disasters. People will suddenly behave their "best" when observed. They'll clean their house before you arrive. They'll demonstrate the "proper" way to use your product rather than their usual chaotic method.

The solution? Stay longer. Most people can maintain their "I'm being observed" performance for about 30-45 minutes before reverting to type. Be patient.

Also, normalise messiness. Start with statements like, "I'm interested in seeing how this actually works in real life, not the ideal scenario." Or share a slightly embarrassing habit of your own to give them permission to be real.

And for heaven's sake, don't judge. The moment someone sees you wince at their process, they'll close up faster than a startup after its investor update.

Ultimately, the goal isn't perfect research – it's better insights than you had before. Even flawed observation beats perfect speculation.

From Insights to Actual Products People Want

The final step is turning these insights into something useful. This is where most companies fall down – they do the research, create beautiful insight documents, then promptly ignore all of it and build whatever they were going to build anyway.

Resist this temptation. Your job after research is to:

• Identify the most painful problems people are experiencing (not the ones that are most interesting to solve)
• Understand the current workarounds people have created (these tell you what's actually important)
• Determine which problems people would actually pay to solve (versus those they'll tolerate)
• Design solutions that work with existing behaviour patterns, not against them
• Test prototypes in the same real-world contexts where you observed the problems

The best products don't ask people to change their fundamental behaviours. They make existing behaviours easier, more effective, or more enjoyable.

And sometimes, the most valuable insight is what not to build. The feature you were convinced would change everything might actually solve a problem no one cares about. Better to learn that before you've spent six months building it. Remember that achieving product-market fit isn't a one-time event but a continuous process of listening, testing, and adapting to changing customer needs.

The hard truth is that most founders would rather build something no one wants than face the discomfort of watching real people struggle with real problems. It's more comfortable to hide behind surveys and analytics than to sit in someone's messy living room watching them ignore your onboarding flow.

But comfort rarely builds great products. Observation does.

The Ethics Bit (Because We Should Probably Mention It)

A quick note on ethics, because following people around and taking notes does raise some questions: Always get explicit consent. Be clear about what you're observing and why. Give people the right to stop the observation at any time. Anonymise your notes. And compensate people fairly for their time.

These aren't just nice-to-haves – they're essential for getting honest insights. People who feel respected and valued will show you their real behaviours. People who feel exploited will show you what they think you want to see.

In the rush to "move fast and break things," the ethics of research often get overlooked. Don't be that founder. It's not just bad karma – it's bad business.

The Final Word: Just Do It (But Not in a Nike Way)

Most founders will read this, nod along, and then never actually conduct ethnographic research. They'll continue building products based on assumptions, getting feedback from friends who don't want to hurt their feelings, and wondering why users aren't behaving the way the user stories said they would.

Don't be most founders.

Ethnographic research isn't complex. It doesn't require special training or expensive equipment. It just requires the courage to face reality – to see how people actually behave rather than how we wish they would behave. And sometimes, that's the hardest part.

So here's my challenge: This week, spend three hours observing one real user in their natural environment. Don't sell. Don't fix. Don't explain. Just watch. I promise you'll learn something that will change your product for the better – even if that something is that you're building the wrong product entirely.

Because at the end of the day, the greatest competitive advantage isn't AI, or blockchain, or whatever buzzword is floating around Silicon Valley this week. It's understanding humans better than your competition does. And you can't understand humans from behind a screen. You have to get out there and watch the beautiful, frustrating mess of real life unfold – notebook in hand, judgment checked at the door.